“When you [observation without judgment], I feel [emotion, not accusation], because I need [universal need]. Would you be willing to [clear, doable request]?” Bad example (violent): “You always ignore my ideas. You’re a bad manager.”

Keep this EPUB on your phone. Read the cheat sheet before a hard meeting. Over time, these tools will move from your screen into your bones.

| High Abstraction (Values, feelings) | Low Abstraction (Facts, actions) | | :--- | :--- | | “You’re unreliable.” | “You were 20 minutes late to the last two meetings.” | | “This report is low quality.” | “Page 3 has two typos and missing the Q3 data.” |